shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
