our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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