If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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