dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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