So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
