Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
