I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
