My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
