My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
