I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
