so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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