My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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