are you so shy because you have an std?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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