doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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