He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
