I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
