My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
