We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
