we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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