farters have to be the big spoon...
Just invented taco cereal.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
