White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
