I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
