even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
