It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
