The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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