i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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