My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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