I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
