yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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