Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
