My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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