we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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