Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
