It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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