You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize