bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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