Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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