What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
