My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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