I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
