Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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