you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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