Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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