she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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