1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love you. Go after that dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
