good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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