I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
