Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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