god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this just has baby written all over it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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