Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
