just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
