the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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