i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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