Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
