I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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