omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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