you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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