guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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