He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
