Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The air was thick with penises
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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