Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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