my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
