Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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