it hurts more in the daytime
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
