You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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