WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
