This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
