is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
