AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're like the curious george of whores
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
